6 Ways To Get Through Your Divorce Proceedings: It Might Not Be As Bad As It Seems

Although nobody considers divorce to be a pleasantry of life, it doesn't always have to be as bad as it's made out to be. No matter how the marriage came to its current state, you have the ability to improve the outcome from this point forward.

Be Realistic With Your Expectations Of The Divorce

Although you may pass the hours away fantasizing about your spouse hanging upside down by their toenails, swaying precariously above a pit of molten lava, you need to be realistic about what your divorce lawyer can do for you. They can't actively seek revenge on your behalf, unless the justice served follows the letter of the law. If you and your spouse accumulated assets together, expect them to be divided accordingly.

Likewise, concerning children, unless a judge has sufficient evidence to deem one parent less capable than the other, you're likely going to share custody. As hard as it may be, you're better off setting aside the emotional upheaval you're experiencing and focusing on the legal aspects of your divorce case.

Speak More Effectively With Your Divorce Lawyer

What you're going through isn't easy and you may be inclined to vent your fears and frustrations through your divorce lawyer, but that's not usually the most effective way to speak. Stick to facts and evidence your lawyer can use in the case and save the venting for a more appropriate recipient, such as a close friend or even a therapist. Although lawyers are compassionate and accustomed to serving in the role of therapist, both your and their interests are better served if you separate your legal situation from your emotional sense.

Don't downplay your need to openly talk about the divorce, as it's good therapy and can help you heal and move on; however, using mostly legal-speak with your lawyer means a faster, more efficient way of processing the case.

Be A Good Listener And Follow The Words Of Your Attorney

As much as you may not like to admit it, there are rules you need to follow in separating from your spouse, particularly if you have a complicated asset portfolio to dissect and most especially if there are children involved. While it can be hard to follow the advice your divorce lawyer gives you, it's necessary, for your personal sake as well as that of your case. Take notes when your lawyer is talking, marking specific instructions for you to follow with an asterisk or some other special symbol. That way, you'll be able to quickly distinguish the instructions you've been given, from the rest of the information.

If you feel reluctant to do as you're being advised, mention this to the lawyer and they will explain the importance of their advice and how it applies specifically to your situation. If you simply walk away in silence, you may not be as likely to fully understand the value of doing what was advised and therefore, fail to do it. Be a good listener who takes in all the words, rather than the ones you want to hear. As tough as the situation is, failing to follow the words of your attorney will only make it tougher.

Make Better Use Of Time With Your Divorce Lawyer

Rather than phoning your lawyer whenever something important comes to mind, write down your questions and information, saving them to be presented all at once in your next get together. While most lawyers are sensitive to the situation you're going through and fully understand your need to know, be reassured and have instant answers, they're still going to have to charge you for calls and meetings.

Besides the cost, scattering information across emails and phone messages isn't as effective as coordinating the effort. Keep a binder of your divorce proceedings and an accompanying notebook, which you can jot down your questions and suggestions in as they come to you. When you do get together with your divorce lawyer, you'll have a neat, condensed and productive information package to present.

Learn How To Co-Parent

Above and beyond the sordid details of your separation, if you have children, you and your spouse are responsible for raising them, cooperatively, no matter how custody is divided between you. It's excruciatingly important that you accept the role of co-parent and make an effort to work together, as opposed to fighting each other tooth-and-nail, for the sake of the children as well as to maintain a detente during the divorce and following its completion. Even if you and your spouse detest each other, there's no getting around the need to co-parent and fighting it will only make things worse for everyone.

Learn more about co-parenting either on your own or, preferably, with your spouse; you might also consider some type of counseling together so that you can collectively be the most effective parents you can be.

Try To Look Forward, Rather Than Back

No matter how your divorce goes, it marks the beginning of the end of a chapter of your life, but also, the start of another one. Looking back all the time will leave you wrapped up in anger, guilt and doubt; whereas trying to look toward the future cleans the slate and offers a fresh perspective on how you can begin anew. Let the closing of the divorce case be a point from which you can grow and regain a positive outlook, rather than holding on to the grudges in the trenches of disagreement.

Working with your divorce lawyer and, to the extent you are able, depending on the condition of the relationship, your spouse, makes the process of divorce far more bearable for everyone. Make sure your needs are met on the legal side of things, but don't neglect how the experience affects you emotionally, so that you are able to come out of the situation with a clear head, hopeful heart and bright prospects for the future.

For more tips, get in touch with experienced divorce attorneys at firms like Begley Carlin & Mandio LLP.