You've Been Served: What Should You Do Now?

Whether it's a shock or something you've been expecting, being served divorce papers can cause an emotional upheaval. You may feel overwhelmed, sad, angry and relieved all at the same time. The way you react within the first week or two of being served papers can impact the rest of your divorce proceedings, so it's important to take a deep breath and think through your actions. Here are some tips on what you need to do after being served.

Decide What Type of Legal Representation You Want

Some couples choose to end their marriages with "do-it-yourself" divorces, and others choose to retain divorce lawyers to handle all aspects of the dissolution. There are other options in the middle, too; you can ask a lawyer to represent you in court while you handle the paperwork end of things, or you can have a lawyer or mediator mediate your divorce to stay out of court.

Nolo.com advises retaining a lawyer in some situations. These include:

• Being involved in an abusive marriage (this includes spousal abuse, child abuse and substance abuse).
• When your spouse is manipulative or vindictive and unwilling to compromise.
• When your spouse already has a lawyer.

Get Your Financial House in Order

If you and your spouse still have joint accounts, now might be the time to close them. Distribute the funds between you fairly; do not take all of the funds if they are not actually yours. Open a new personal account if you do not already have one. Close joint credit card accounts; you will need to discuss paying these off with your spouse, but this step can be postponed until emotions have settled down.

It's important not to purposely leave your spouse with no funds. Regardless of how you will end up dealing with the house, custody of the children or alimony (if applicable), being reasonable at this point in time will serve you well. If your case goes to court, a judge will not look favorably upon one spouse purposely depriving the other of the money necessary to pay for household expenses or the children's needs.

Watch What You Say in Front of the Children

If you have children, now is the time to explain what is happening, if you have not already done so. Ideally, this conversation will take place between you, your spouse and the kids. If you and your spouse are unable to have a rational, calm discussion, however, you might need to have another family member or other mediator involved in the discussion. Remember that your children are also going through extreme emotional upheaval.

Do not badmouth your spouse in front of your children. Not only can this hurt your children, but it can also contribute to parental alienation. If you cause your children to alienate their other parent, a judge may need to step in and change custody arrangements; you could even be accused of emotional child abuse. There can sometimes be a fine line between telling your children the truth and badmouthing their mom or dad, so when in doubt, err on the side of caution and leave details out of the conversation.

Going through a divorce might be the most emotionally difficult thing you have ever done. When you get served divorce papers, it's best to remain as calm and rational as possible. Make note of the date that you have to respond to the petition and decide what you need to do before that time is up. Whether that includes hiring a divorce lawyer, seeking the services of a mediator, consulting with a financial expert or getting your kids counseling, be sure that you are responding in a way that allows you to look out for your -- and your children's -- best interests.